Given the amount of lonely hearts out there searching for their perfect love, and the stories of poor depressed souls just having enough and taking that final trip to that mysterious distant shore where no -ones ever returned from to tell us about it, I felt the urge to spread a little happiness, you know, like that wee fairy does with her glittery dust.
I’ve loved and suffered from love, more times than I care to admit. But mostly, it was my own choice to get out of a relationship that just wasn’t healthy for me. I don’t regret those choices, and I’m not carrying any residual bitterness about them. But there were definitely some hard times and many tears shed, before I could get to my ‘happy place’ once again.
When I found I was feeling down, first I made a list of things I’m good at and that I liked about myself, that others also liked about me ….Do this and read it every-time your self esteem is dropping. Sure, allow yourself a short period of therapeutic indulgence in a few wines or chocolate or big bowl of icecream … and a good cry with your friends (lean on those friends, that’s what they’re there for, and many of them have probably been through the same sort of thing). But just don’t allow yourself to wallow for too long, because the best revenge for having had your heart ripped out by someone cruel, is to pick yourself up, get your shit together and find a way to be happy again.
Then another list I make, is of the things I used to love to do, before I devoted all my time to ‘him’ – such as bubble baths with chocolate and a glass of wine, such as dancing wildly to my favourite music really loud (if you have children, use an ipod and earphones, you can have you’re own little private party and get a great work-out at the same time), watching all the movies I wanted to watch instead of settling for what ‘they’ want to keep them happy, reading a book in bed without being constantly annoyed or distracted by your partner like a toddler demanding attention because your in bed and not pleasuring them instead, like treating yourself to get your hair done or buy a new dress …. instead of feeling guilty about spending money that you need to pay bills with because he can’t or won’t find work again and so its up to you to keep the boat afloat? Does any of this sound familiar to anyone out there? I’m picking by the amount of singles on the online date sites, it just might.
Get yourself out of the house. Outside in the fresh air, not if it’s pouring down (unless it’s not too cold then a dance in the rain, can do wonders for your mental health), go for a walk, look around. Plan a trip, go camping, visit people you may have lost contact with over the years. Change is good. Change is necessary. Species don’t evolve without coping with a bit of change. As Steve Winwood sang ‘roll with it baby!’
Do up part of your house, paint something a bright happy colour, buy a new duvet so the bed is ‘yours’ again. Bottom line, fall out of love with the jerk who hurt you, and fall ‘in-love’ with yourself again. You’re worth it, you deserve it.
After all, we all came into this world alone, and we will be leaving it alone, so being single when you think about it, is not really such an unnatural state to be in. And there are way worse things than being alone, … losing yourself to a loveless marriage for one.